Dear Boat,
Two years ago today, you left me... Two years ago, I had a life, a job, a home... now I have nothing. I'm not angry anymore, and when I think about you, I smile more often than I cry. Life has continued without you in it, although the thought of that is still sometimes painful to me.
YM is doing better, thank you for your intervention with God. I emailed my mother on Mother's day, even though everyone forgot me. She responded, it was... kind of nice? I still miss the family, and probably always will, but I don't miss them attempting to run and ruin my life.
I hope that you are ok, wherever you are, and I will probably stop writing as often... I have to move on with my life. P is going to help me find a new place to live, and I am going to attempt to hire someone who will pack me up and move me.
I will always love and miss you.
Barn
Tuesday
Dear Boat,
Dear Boat,
You would be so disappointed in me. I received a non renewal lease notice from the management company, and they turned off my electricity, so I am essentially homeless. I have been staying with S for the time being, and looking for someplace to new live. The last two years have been so surreal. I almost feel like I'm in limbo, as in, one of Dante Inferno's pre hell levels. Well, if this is pre hell, I would hate to know what hell itself is actually going to be like. I'm sure it won't be too long before I find out.
I started smoking, too... not consistently, just here and there. I find that it relaxes me. How stupid is that? You died from cancer and I'm smoking. But, it's too damned hard. Life, I mean; See in general, I just feel like I have no one, and my life is falling apart. And Boat, your YM is so sick... she needs to know you're there for her too. At 16 she shouldn't have to go through what she's going through. The whole community is praying for her, but it's not quite enough I don't think.. and L has been through enough, having lost you... I know that I lost you too, but I'm not really allowed to feel that way, because even though you said you would always love me, you weren't really mine...
You had so much faith in me... I wish I could have some in myself now. But I don't.
You would be so disappointed in me. I received a non renewal lease notice from the management company, and they turned off my electricity, so I am essentially homeless. I have been staying with S for the time being, and looking for someplace to new live. The last two years have been so surreal. I almost feel like I'm in limbo, as in, one of Dante Inferno's pre hell levels. Well, if this is pre hell, I would hate to know what hell itself is actually going to be like. I'm sure it won't be too long before I find out.
I started smoking, too... not consistently, just here and there. I find that it relaxes me. How stupid is that? You died from cancer and I'm smoking. But, it's too damned hard. Life, I mean; See in general, I just feel like I have no one, and my life is falling apart. And Boat, your YM is so sick... she needs to know you're there for her too. At 16 she shouldn't have to go through what she's going through. The whole community is praying for her, but it's not quite enough I don't think.. and L has been through enough, having lost you... I know that I lost you too, but I'm not really allowed to feel that way, because even though you said you would always love me, you weren't really mine...
You had so much faith in me... I wish I could have some in myself now. But I don't.
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