Dear Boat,
I thought about you a lot today. You would be pleased with where I am in my life. I have had my dream come true and Obie and I are finally together. You cannot imagine Boat, when you died, that I ever thought I would be this happy and this complete.
I asked Obie if I should delete this blog, but he suggested that I leave it be, in case someone else who is in my position finds it and gets some strength from it. The past five years have been damn near impossible, and the things that I have had to do...
I said good bye one final time to my family today. When I was back there last week, well, needless to say that it's become apparently obvious that I am not welcome there anymore. I texted with R, and mentioned that I felt bad because she shouldn't have to fight a losing battle on my behalf.
I hurt, I feel sad that no one bothered to hear my story. It's always easier to blame the victim than to accept that there was an error in behavior. As I said to R today, pride and ego are terrible things.
I don't know that I will be able to go back there alone. It's too hard, and it takes me weeks to recover. My blood work did not come back great, and I'm not willing to sacrifice my health for someone else's stupidity. Two parties have to be willing to fix something this broken, and they aren't willing.
Obie makes me happy Boat... he listens and encourages, and kicks my ass when I need it. And, you always knew how I felt about him. Being able to have him in my life reminds me of how blessed I am.
I miss you boat, I'm coming up on three years without you, but I know you're in a better place, and honestly, so am I.
