Dear S,
Do I call you S? Do I call you G1?
I don't know what to call you, because you are never the same person. You don't even answer your own emails!
I can't speak with you because you are a different person on the phone than you are in email!
You send an email, then you have someone else answer it again. It's like talking to three different people.
Are you normal?
The court wants you to have a psych eval. I wish you would.
Your children are sometimes hate you. I think you are just disgusting.
Sometimes I want to irk you just so that you will lose it again and I can send you to jail, but I'm not willing to put myself in that position. What I do know is that you can't hide behind the family forever, and one day you WILL lose it again... and then I will be there to laugh.
Thursday
Wednesday
Here's to Life... Shirley Horn
Well, allow me to take a song...
Here's To Life :
Here's To Life :
Here's to life
No complaints and no regrets
I stil believe in chasing dreams and placing bets
but I had learn that all you give is all you get
so give it all you got
I had my share I drag my field
and even though I'm satisfy I always still
to see what done on other road behind the hill
and do it all again
So here's to life
and every joy it brings
so here's to life
to dreamers and their dreams
Honey, all the times just climbs
a love can go from more hellos to sad goodbyes
and live you with the memories you memorized
to keep your winters warm
There is no yes in yesterday
and who knows what tomorrow brings or takes away
as long as I'm still in the game I want to play
for last, for life, for love
So here's to life
and every joy it brings
here's to life
to dreamers and their dreams
may all your strorms be weathered
and all that's good get better
here's to life, here's to love, here's to you
may all your stroms be weathered
and all that's good get better
here's to life, here's to love, here's to you
No complaints and no regrets
I stil believe in chasing dreams and placing bets
but I had learn that all you give is all you get
so give it all you got
I had my share I drag my field
and even though I'm satisfy I always still
to see what done on other road behind the hill
and do it all again
So here's to life
and every joy it brings
so here's to life
to dreamers and their dreams
Honey, all the times just climbs
a love can go from more hellos to sad goodbyes
and live you with the memories you memorized
to keep your winters warm
There is no yes in yesterday
and who knows what tomorrow brings or takes away
as long as I'm still in the game I want to play
for last, for life, for love
So here's to life
and every joy it brings
here's to life
to dreamers and their dreams
may all your strorms be weathered
and all that's good get better
here's to life, here's to love, here's to you
may all your stroms be weathered
and all that's good get better
here's to life, here's to love, here's to you
Here's to life
No complaints and no regrets
I still believe and chasing dreams and placing bets
but I had learn that all you give is all you get
so give it all you got
I had my share I drag my field
and even though I'm satisfy I always still
to see what done on other road behind the hill
and do it all again
So here's to life
and every joy it brings
so here's to life
to dreamers and their dreams
Honey, all the times just climbs
a love can go from more hellos to sad goodbyes
and live you with the memories you memorized
to keep your winters warm
There is no yes in yesterday
and who knows what tomorrow brings or takes away
as long as I'm still in the game I want to play
for last, for life, for love
So here's to life
and every joy it brings
here's to life
to dreamers and their dreams
may all your storms be weathered
and all that's good get better
here's to life, here's to love, here's to you
may all your storms be weathered
and all that's good get better
here's to life, here's to love, here's to you
No complaints and no regrets
I still believe and chasing dreams and placing bets
but I had learn that all you give is all you get
so give it all you got
I had my share I drag my field
and even though I'm satisfy I always still
to see what done on other road behind the hill
and do it all again
So here's to life
and every joy it brings
so here's to life
to dreamers and their dreams
Honey, all the times just climbs
a love can go from more hellos to sad goodbyes
and live you with the memories you memorized
to keep your winters warm
There is no yes in yesterday
and who knows what tomorrow brings or takes away
as long as I'm still in the game I want to play
for last, for life, for love
So here's to life
and every joy it brings
here's to life
to dreamers and their dreams
may all your storms be weathered
and all that's good get better
here's to life, here's to love, here's to you
may all your storms be weathered
and all that's good get better
here's to life, here's to love, here's to you
Happy Birthday
August 3, 2011
Dear S,
Today is your 45th birthday. And, it's been over a year since you've attacked me, and our marriage was officially over. I guess, if one would think about it, our marriage was over even before you told me that you might be gay, before you decided to love my family more than me... before you stopped touching me, and holding me, hugging and kissing me, holding my hand, and having sex with me.
I keep thinking back over the ten years we were married and I can't seem to figure out exactly when we went from best friends to enemies. I just can't seem to figure it out. I try, often, and I think about it, but the moment of that exact rift doesn't come.
The little girl saw me crying the other day. She was completely freaked out by my tears. She kepy wiping my face telling me "mommy, please please don't cry". Seeing me showing any kind of emotion like that scares her. That's what this has done to her.
I don't know how to sit and talk with you anymore. I remember the last time you and I touched (aside from the beating you gave me). I remember, it was the last day of school for me, and I had a teacher's meeting. Before the meeting, I begged you to sit and talk with me, to tell me what was going on with you, to tell me why you weren't talking to me anymore, to tell me that all was going to be ok. I begged you to please hug me, so that I would know that we would be all right.
You did. It felt wrong. Like I was being hugged by someone who wasn't my husband.
Being hugged by you felt like I was being hugged by a strange man... and I felt like I was cheating on you... with you.
Maybe it was the miscarriages that made us fall apart. Maybe we never were together in the first place. But it sure felt like I married my best friend. And, isn't it ironic that the date our divorce will more than likely become final is the date of our anniversary?
We have two absolutely beautiful children. People ask me all the time how that's possible if you're gay. I ask myself the same thing. And then I think about our sex life... about how I had to do all the work, about how hard it was for you, about how you had to keep your eyes closed, maybe about what you were thinking about, because I'm pretty sure if wasn't me.
I remember our last vacation, and I am pretty sure that all those times you went out on your own, you were wondering if there were ways to escape.
Now, I'm glad that you actually took the step and beat me up. I'm thinking that it was a blessing in disguise. I don't think that I ever would have left otherwise. I should really thank you.
Either way, Happy Birthday. I sometimes really hate you, you know, even though I think that hate is a wasted emotion. But, for today, I want you to have a day of joy. I really did love you, you know.
Dear S,
Today is your 45th birthday. And, it's been over a year since you've attacked me, and our marriage was officially over. I guess, if one would think about it, our marriage was over even before you told me that you might be gay, before you decided to love my family more than me... before you stopped touching me, and holding me, hugging and kissing me, holding my hand, and having sex with me.
I keep thinking back over the ten years we were married and I can't seem to figure out exactly when we went from best friends to enemies. I just can't seem to figure it out. I try, often, and I think about it, but the moment of that exact rift doesn't come.
The little girl saw me crying the other day. She was completely freaked out by my tears. She kepy wiping my face telling me "mommy, please please don't cry". Seeing me showing any kind of emotion like that scares her. That's what this has done to her.
I don't know how to sit and talk with you anymore. I remember the last time you and I touched (aside from the beating you gave me). I remember, it was the last day of school for me, and I had a teacher's meeting. Before the meeting, I begged you to sit and talk with me, to tell me what was going on with you, to tell me why you weren't talking to me anymore, to tell me that all was going to be ok. I begged you to please hug me, so that I would know that we would be all right.
You did. It felt wrong. Like I was being hugged by someone who wasn't my husband.
Being hugged by you felt like I was being hugged by a strange man... and I felt like I was cheating on you... with you.
Maybe it was the miscarriages that made us fall apart. Maybe we never were together in the first place. But it sure felt like I married my best friend. And, isn't it ironic that the date our divorce will more than likely become final is the date of our anniversary?
We have two absolutely beautiful children. People ask me all the time how that's possible if you're gay. I ask myself the same thing. And then I think about our sex life... about how I had to do all the work, about how hard it was for you, about how you had to keep your eyes closed, maybe about what you were thinking about, because I'm pretty sure if wasn't me.
I remember our last vacation, and I am pretty sure that all those times you went out on your own, you were wondering if there were ways to escape.
Now, I'm glad that you actually took the step and beat me up. I'm thinking that it was a blessing in disguise. I don't think that I ever would have left otherwise. I should really thank you.
Either way, Happy Birthday. I sometimes really hate you, you know, even though I think that hate is a wasted emotion. But, for today, I want you to have a day of joy. I really did love you, you know.
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