Dear N1,
I guess you're N1 now, since the other N, was born second... confusing. I saw you at the gas station the other day. I didn't have to go back in, but I used going in to buy a soda as an excuse to say hello. You probably don't realize the sheer amount of courage it took for me to just walk up to you and say hello. Actually, you're so blindsided by that asshole wife and idiot friends of yours, you probably don't realize a lot of things.
Regardless...
It did take a lot of courage for me to go into the gas station and say hello to you. You looked through me. I asked you, Don't I even get a hello?, And your response of "nope" was beyond painful.
One thing I always found amazing about the family was how strangers were always treated far better than the actual family. It's one of the reasons that I want to stay on the outside. Something I don't think that you will ever understand. After all, you are coddled. No one will ever treat you, a male, a "police officer" an anything, like I was treated. But I will succeed, and in the ultimate end, you will not.
The only thing that hurts me, that I find beyond and exceptionally painful, is that you have children that I do not know.. and that will only know me from what your "wife" will have told them about me. Which is probably so far from the truth, that there will be no actual truth within the kernels.
Know...I do miss you. I miss all the brothers.. and I find what is happening very very painful. I do cry you know.. although I doubt you care. And, I do know that I will continue to pay the price for all the sins of the family, even though they aren't mine.
