I feel like I will cry forever..
Is it weird that I'm crying more for you than I have for anyone else?
Mmmm, mmmm
Say good-bye to not knowing when
The truth in my whole life began
Say good-bye to not knowing how to cry
You taught me that
Chorus (first time substitute
"strength" for "love" and
"saved" for "changed"):
And I'll remember the love that you gave me
Now that I'm standing on my own
I'll remember the way that you changed me
I'll remember
Inside I was a child
That could not mend a broken wing
Outside I looked for a way
To teach my heart to sing
I learned to let go of the
illusion that we can possess
I learned to let go, I travel in stillness
And I'll remember happiness
I'll remember (I'll remember)
Mmmmm... (I'll remember)
Mmmmm...
chorus
Wednesday
Friday
Dearest Boat...again
Good bye...i cant believe im saying goodbye to you. To have gotten a text finding out that you had been taken to the hospital...to not have had the opportunity to say goodbyen to hold your hand and be there as you promised. You promised me 30 years of friendship together, and when you got sick you promised that you would keep fighting because we had 28 years left... damn it... I have 28 years left on that promise...You died and what do I do now? I know I am being stupid and selfish and angry, but your funeral was today and I coul not go. My friend...what do I do without you? I think it is time for me to leave the city. Without you here, there is no reason to stay. I swore I would always be there for you, and you half didn't believe me...but I stayed, and now you're gone and I am completely alone.Good bye Boat. Rest In Peace.
Wednesday
Dear Boat
Dear Boat,
If I knew how much pain this would be, I don't know that I would have started this in the first place. You hurt so badly... I know you aren't going to tell me what is going on. I know your children are coming in. I know that you are going to die. I know that you are going to be in hospice if you aren't already.
You have gotten me through so much. You have gotten me through finding myself, and have been there for me with Smcs even though it pained you so much because of how you felt about me, and at great cost to yourself. I have no way of ever repaying you, and I don't know how you could have done that, because I am selfish and I don't know if I could have done what you did.
I don't think I will have closure, I will hurt, and my heart will break and a piece of me will remain broken and you will not be here to fix it and I will have to fix it on my own and I don't know if I can.
I remember when you first got sick and you didn't want to tell me. And then, it was necrosis, and the cancer was gone, and then, when you told me, I cried, because I really thought it was gone, but there was a part of me that knew it wasn't and that you were fooling yourself. And I told you then, that you were ok, and that it was ok.
I told the little girl today. She wants to pray and asked if god would listen to her prayers, and make you better. I told her that she could pray, but that you were still going to die.
I am so sad, and so angry and so hurting. There are so many others in this world that need to go, and you are not one of them. Why... I need you here, your children need you here, your wife needs you here.. people need you here.. and you are being taken from them. I do not understand...
Again, I will not have closure for this, because I cannot, because no one will ever understand.
I hope you will have peace, and no more suffering. You fought, you always fought.
Is it time to stop fighting?
If I knew how much pain this would be, I don't know that I would have started this in the first place. You hurt so badly... I know you aren't going to tell me what is going on. I know your children are coming in. I know that you are going to die. I know that you are going to be in hospice if you aren't already.
You have gotten me through so much. You have gotten me through finding myself, and have been there for me with Smcs even though it pained you so much because of how you felt about me, and at great cost to yourself. I have no way of ever repaying you, and I don't know how you could have done that, because I am selfish and I don't know if I could have done what you did.
I don't think I will have closure, I will hurt, and my heart will break and a piece of me will remain broken and you will not be here to fix it and I will have to fix it on my own and I don't know if I can.
I remember when you first got sick and you didn't want to tell me. And then, it was necrosis, and the cancer was gone, and then, when you told me, I cried, because I really thought it was gone, but there was a part of me that knew it wasn't and that you were fooling yourself. And I told you then, that you were ok, and that it was ok.
I told the little girl today. She wants to pray and asked if god would listen to her prayers, and make you better. I told her that she could pray, but that you were still going to die.
I am so sad, and so angry and so hurting. There are so many others in this world that need to go, and you are not one of them. Why... I need you here, your children need you here, your wife needs you here.. people need you here.. and you are being taken from them. I do not understand...
Again, I will not have closure for this, because I cannot, because no one will ever understand.
I hope you will have peace, and no more suffering. You fought, you always fought.
Is it time to stop fighting?
Tuesday
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