Dear Boat,

This is the first year that I have celebrated  my birthday without you.  I have to admit, I haven't stopped crying, and the pain, the sheer unadulterated pain, it hurts.  I'm not sure why I cry.  Do I cry because I miss you, or because I miss the silly things that you used to do that would always make me smile?  Even if it it was just a temporary fix.

I feel like there is this big grieving hole in my soul. sto, we would justiff it with aima; poo and it woule be diced,  mach and that I can't ever et it to go away.  No matter how dark things were, you wouler always be there to make sure that there was a light there, somewhere.  The light at the end of the tunnel seems to have gone out now.

May 17 will be one entire year since you've been gone.  ONE WHOLE YEAR without you.  I think back to those times, and it almost seems as though it was a dream.  Where there should be feelings and pain and anger and grief, now, there is just numbness.

I want to share my joys and sorrows with you.  I want to tell you what has been going on in my life and with the court.  But I can't, because you're not here.

I'm not angry at you... I just wish I would have had the opportunity to tell you how I felt before you were taken...