You were never related to me by blood... well, I guess because you are a Jew, we are both from the same family, and so technically, we are related. There is a place for you here, in this creation of mine.
I did not know that you had gone missing, so I did not pray for you, but in your family, you became the center of the world. In this country, all over the world, you became a centerpiece. People davened for your safe return, they cried tears of mercy to God above that you should return safe, and unharmed, and yet, your mother, she should find some peace, probably knew in her heart, that you would not return, and she probably knew that you were gone from her, never to hold again in her arms, never again to hear your voice.
Mine once told me not to come home.
What angers me, more than what happened to you, and more than the senseless tragedy behind it all, is the outpouring of grief.. because it seems so insincere. People that have, without thought, without conscience thrown me, and those like me to the curb, are crying out your name, as though you could help them now (are you the messiah now?), and truthfully, you could have ended up just like me one day... because as a child, I was just like you.
Perhaps not perfect, obviously not male... but I was someone's child. There were times I got lost too, and had to ask strangers for directions...
Maybe that's what I am now. Lost. I asked for directions and got pushed out of the car. No one cries for me. No one davens for me. No one collects money for me, or asks where I am, or goes onto Facebook and laments about how God could have done such a thing, and what a monster the man who did this to me is. And I am still suffering on this earthly plane of existence...
There are more of me out there, than there are of you...
I am so sorry for what your family has to go through, and as a mother, I feel such pain for yours. I am so thankful for what I am, and for what I have, and I greet every morning with a blessing of gratitude that I do have what I do... but I am also so sad that there are those that eat at the religion buffet; to pick and choose how righteous they wish to be, how respectful and to whom.. how nice, and when.. and when God should be taken out of the convienient little backpack they carry with them.
How self righteous I sound... I need to get off my soapbox.. it is eating me alive.. and it is not healthy. Perhaps this too, is one of the reasons I am lost. And perhaps, again, why I am choosing not to be found.
I don't want to end up in small pieces of myself. Staying here, might endanger my sense of self, of who I am, my soul, and I could end up in pieces, rather than a whole of myself. Staying on this soapbox makes me feel like one of "them"...
